Written by Mike Price, OT, CIO/CMO
Navigating the journey of adulthood often comes with the added responsibility of caring for our aging parents. It's a labor of love, but it can also be a daunting challenge. There's no one-size-fits-all manual to guide us through this process, and each person's circumstances can be as unique as their fingerprints. But what if we had an expert to help us through this journey?
Meet Susie, an expert gerontologist who has dedicated her career to studying the aging process and its impact on families. Through her expertise, we will discern between the normal and abnormal behaviors that often emerge in the caregiving process. Our exploration will provide a better understanding of the demands and responsibilities of caregiving, while also highlighting the boundaries and ethical considerations that should guide this significant life transition.
Let's delve into the wisdom Susie offers, and gain a clearer understanding of what to expect when caring for aging parents.
Susie identifies six red flags that she emphasizes are not normal when it comes to caring for your aging parents. Be vigilant and watch out for these warning signs to ensure the well-being and quality care of your loved ones.
Ignoring an elderly person's request for help can lead to feelings of neglect and isolation, which can significantly impact their emotional well-being. Moreover, it might pose serious risks to their physical health if they are left to struggle with tasks that they may no longer be capable of performing safely.
Taking over the lives of aging parents and doing everything for them can lead to a loss of autonomy and self-esteem, causing emotional distress as they may feel their independence is being undermined. Additionally, it could create an unsustainable situation for caregivers, potentially leading to burnout and jeopardizing their own health and well-being.
Speaking for aging parents when they're still capable, infringes on their autonomy and can lead to feelings of disempowerment and marginalization, diminishing their self-esteem. Additionally, it can further deteriorate their ability to maintain coherence in speech, thereby exacerbating the natural aging-related decline in communication skills. This can result in increased frustration, social isolation, and reduced quality of life for the parent.
When adult children try to control the lives of their aging parents, they risk infringing on their parents' autonomy. The elderly have the right to make their own decisions, and their children should respect this even if they believe their parents are making poor choices. Attempting to take over their parents' affairs can lead to feelings of disrespect and can undermine the parents' self-esteem
Giving up one's own life to care for aging parents can lead to emotional distress, resentment, and health problems due to the high stress and burden associated with caregiving. It can also negatively impact personal relationships, career prospects, and financial stability, which may further amplify the caregiver's stress and anxiety, leading to a decline in the quality of care provided. This should be an absolute last resort.
Any form of abuse is detrimental as it infringes upon an individual's rights, harms their physical and mental well-being, and erodes their self-esteem. Additionally, it creates a toxic environment fostering fear and mistrust, which can damage relationships and potentially result in long-term traumatic consequences.
Here are six things that Susie highlights as normal and healthy when taking care of your aging parents. Incorporating these practices can contribute to a positive caregiving experience and promote the well-being of both you and your loved ones.
Responding to your aging parents' requests for help is a normal and natural part of the caregiving journey. It demonstrates empathy, compassion, and a willingness to provide assistance in their time of need. Being responsive to their needs can foster a sense of trust and reassurance, promoting a supportive and nurturing environment for your aging parents.
In the context of caring for your aging parents, "do what you can, when you can" emphasizes the importance of balancing your caregiving responsibilities with your own limitations and well-being. It acknowledges that caregiving can be demanding and challenging, and it's essential to prioritize self-care and set realistic boundaries. By doing what you can, when you can, you're embracing a flexible and practical approach that allows you to provide support while also taking care of yourself. This mindset promotes a sustainable caregiving experience and helps ensure the long-term well-being of both you and your aging parents.
If you find yourself unable to provide the help needed when caring for your aging parents, it is crucial to seek alternative means of support. Recognizing your limitations and reaching out for assistance demonstrates responsible caregiving. Whether it involves enlisting the help of other family members, hiring professional caregivers, or utilizing community resources, finding alternative means of help ensures that your aging parents receive the support they need, promoting their well-being and ensuring they receive the care they deserve.
Maintaining regular communication and staying in touch with your aging parents is important for their well-being and maintaining strong family connections. By staying in touch reasonably often, you can provide emotional support, check on their health and welfare, and address any concerns or needs that may arise. Regular communication shows your care and involvement, helps prevent feelings of loneliness or isolation, and fosters a sense of love and connection between you and your aging parents.
Assisting your aging parents in setting up online bill pay, online banking, and other similar online services can be highly beneficial. It involves guiding them through the process of accessing and utilizing these digital tools, which can streamline their financial management and enhance their independence. By helping them embrace online services, you enable them to conveniently handle their bills, banking transactions, and other financial tasks from the comfort of their home. This empowers them to stay in control of their finances and adapt to the evolving digital landscape, promoting convenience, efficiency, and security in their financial management.
Engaging in internet research, such as finding reputable companies, services, and programs, can greatly assist in caring for your aging parents. By conducting online research, you can gather valuable information about various resources and options available to meet their specific needs. This includes finding reliable companies that offer quality products or services, identifying reputable programs that provide support or assistance, and exploring trustworthy resources for information and guidance. Internet research equips you with the knowledge to make informed decisions, ensuring that your aging parents receive the best possible care and support.
Being an advocate for your aging parents when they are hospitalized or in a particularly frail state is crucial. Advocacy involves actively speaking up on their behalf, ensuring their needs are met, and promoting their well-being within the healthcare system. This includes communicating with healthcare professionals, asking questions, seeking clarification on treatment plans, and ensuring their wishes and preferences are respected. By serving as their advocate, you can help navigate complex medical situations, provide comfort and reassurance, and play an instrumental role in ensuring they receive appropriate and compassionate care during vulnerable times.
Initiating a conversation about end-of-life wishes is an essential step in caring for your aging parents. By asking them about their end-of-life wishes, you open up a meaningful dialogue to understand their preferences and ensure their desires are respected. This discussion can encompass topics such as medical interventions, life-sustaining treatments, funeral arrangements, and any specific wishes they may have. By proactively addressing these important matters, you can honor their autonomy, provide them with peace of mind, and make informed decisions in alignment with their values and wishes when the time comes.
Caring for aging parents is a deeply rewarding yet challenging journey that demands understanding, compassion, and flexibility. Recognizing the importance of responding to their needs while also maintaining personal boundaries is essential in creating a harmonious caregiving dynamic. Empowering them to make their own decisions, even when support is necessary, fosters their independence and preserves their dignity. Engaging in open conversations about end-of-life wishes and advocating for them during vulnerable times promotes their well-being and ensures their preferences are respected. While the caregiving role may be daunting at times, seeking support and utilizing available resources can lighten the burden and promote a healthier caregiving experience. By striking a balance between providing care and prioritizing self-care, caregivers can embark on this journey with resilience, compassion, and the unwavering dedication that their aging parents deserve.
Co-Founder of Rehabmart and an Occupational Therapist since 1993. Mike has spent his professional career working in multiple areas of Occupational Therapy, including pediatrics, geriatrics, hand therapy, ergonomics and inpatient / outpatient rehabilitation. Mike enjoys writing articles that help people solve complex therapeutic problems and make better product choices.
